Friday, August 04, 2006

Piss Wax

So I purchased a new pair of khakis about 3 weeks ago. They are pretty stylin'. Unbeknownst to me at the time of purchase, they are equipped with stain guard technology. This is the coating in the material that causes liquid to bead up and roll right off your pants. It's my first pair of khakis with this feature. Yes, pants really CAN have features. One feature I never sport is pleats.

Back to the stain guard technology. There is one side effect that I had not thought about. Have you ever noticed the ring of splashed piss that surrounds the floor around a men's bathroom urinal? (Ladies, trust me on this one.) The porcelain is sanitary, but it deflects urine like a racquetball on concrete. The first time I used a urinal with my new pants, I walked down the hall and realized I had urine-beads all down my legs. Yes, my pants looked like a freshly waxed Cadillac after a thunderstorm. What disturbed me most was the amount of urine-beads. Did anything even make it into the urinal? Halfway down the hall I had to decide whether to wipe the beads with my bare hands, turn around and wipe the beads with a paper towel, or just let them roll off my pants as I walked. Another realization, if the piss was beading off my pants now, where was it going before the stain guard technology? It dawned on me that the urine simply soaked into my other pants. Technology is amazing.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Do Cubans love Big Macs?

Word on the street is that Fidel Castro is having intestinal surgery and handed leadership over to his little brother Raul. Word on the street is that Little Havana in Miami is rejoicing. Word on the street is that the U.S. Government is watching, planning, and eagerly awaiting their chance to return "democracy" to Cuba.

I will save the arguments about communism. I will save any mention of hardships and atrocities spoken from the anti-Castro community. Instead, I will keep it black and white. What is best for Cuba? Or better, what Cuba is best for a nationalist Cuban? I don't presume to have the answer to that question. I am not Cuban and do not live in present-day Cuba. However, it is a nurturing human instinct to want a social system that lessens the gap between rich and poor (or to eliminate), promotes education, and provides for the well-being of ALL inhabitants. This was the goal of Castro's Marxist Cuba. The recent struggles of Cuba can be linked to a combination of the fall of the Soviet Union (Cuba's financial ally since 1959) and the hypocritical and stubborn U.S. embargo. After all, we don't seem to have a problem trading with other communist countries like China. Maybe, just maybe, anti-Castro sentiment in the U.S. isn't about anti-socialism or 'freedom'...but about letting privatization run wild.

The passion behind the Cuban Revolution was, in a nutshell, against foreign corporate occupation and meddling. The 26th of July Movement were Cubans (and an Argentinian) that felt they needed to take back their country. The overthrown Batista regime was supported by the U.S., despite unopposed elections and government ties to the mafia. Batista allowed U.S. corporations to flourish. (Notably, the Batista regime was also supported by Cuba's official communist party because of his social policy.)

Fidel's health now has the U.S. licking its' chops to restore Cuban "democracy". (The quotations are for the 100 years of U.S.-sponsored coup d'etats in foreign lands.) The U.S. is so ready that they created the Commission for Assistance to a Free Cuba in 2003. The Commission is co-chaired by Condoleezza Rice and Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez, a Cuban-American. Commerce Secretary? You don't say!? I guess the U.S. is ready for an all-out commercial assault on Cuban society. Well, first they have to elect a President that the U.S. approves of. And if the U.S. approves, then of course the U.S. based multi-national corporations really approve. Or vice-versa. It's like a gay marriage. Just think of the money ready to be made off the rebuilding of Cuba's infrastructure. They are lining up in Key West. I heard the line is around the bloc. (Appreciate that one. One-liners are not my specialty!)

However, what if an election is not so easy? The U.S. is talking about strolling into Cuba to cheering crowds eagerly awaiting the Empire that has come to save them. You know, like the Iraqi people did. The U.S. government believes it will hold their hands and show them how to elect a leader, like a teacher shows a student how to glue macaroni to paper. Of course, the macaroni must be U.S.-friendly. What makes the U.S. think they won't need troops to make this happen? They do realize this. But now isn't the time to tell the American people about a conflict in Cuba. Our own Israel-Lebanon! How swell!

I hope those still in Cuba, the ones that believe Castro is on to something (even if it is flawed), fight against U.S. involvement in their government. The U.S. is the largest, most influential, and most powerful empire since Rome. The spread of our version of foreign democracy isn't about freedom for the people or freedom to choose leaders. It is freedom of capitalism. It is freedom to have a system that can make a few people very wealthy, while exploiting the working class. This may sound like the words of Karl Marx, but only a fool would not believe it true. The ideology of Revolutionary Cuba wanted freedom for Cubans on their own terms. I suppose this type of freedom doesn't make sense to everyone. For what is freedom if you can't wipe your ass with $100 bills?

The most famous symbol of American capitalist dominance is McDonald's. That will be the first sign that Cuba has been hijacked. The golden arches shine brightly on the Havana cityscape. But we shouldn't confuse the beacon of capitalist freedom, McDonald's, with actual freedom. There are many, many free countries that have McDonald's. The residents in those countries that don't stuff their faces with fast food understand the effect McDonald's has on their health, wages, and society. That is why a handful of foreign McDonald's restaurants have been symbolically ransacked and burned. I can only hope Cuba embraces the same cynicism.